It is better to be happy than to be right…

Written by Ms. AKA / Renae from @sacredcarnelian

Welcome in Soul Family and Sunday Blessings,

From as early as I can remember— when I was a little girl my mother would always remind me of the importance of my happiness over the urge to “win” an argument or disagreement. As a young girl, I could remember always wanting to get my point across by having the final say-so without truly seeing the impact of my words and actions. Looking back on my childhood, I believe a lot of this desire to rebel had a lot to do with the broken heart I was trying to mend from the absence of my father. I so desperately wanted to be valued and heard— that I found myself countlessly fighting against folks who truly aimed to see me win as a whole. However, my aim was to get ahead by cutting deeper into a wound that my mother already had to burden—again that’s in reference to the absence of my father that she couldn’t solely control. In retrospect, this writing piece serves as shadow-work but there is a lot to take away from that experience. 

I find myself questioning now more-so than ever before when did this habit form and who’s truly at fault? 

It’s easy to put blame on the absence of my father to ease the combativeness I was hell-bent on displaying and even at that time I’m positive I wouldn’t have had that perspective in the slightest. This pattern followed me throughout my childhood and even young adult years to later form into a trigger response when I felt that my opinion or insight was  neglected, frowned upon, or invalidated. But the question still remains the same— at this point who’s really at fault? This is where accountability needed to come to the forefront. It would be a lot easier to ignore the emptiness I felt inside by continuously running into the arms of another partner (men specifically) to cure the void I felt inside. However, I’m sure you could imagine that wouldn’t end well, and it didn’t. Even to this day as I reflect on my inner-child wounds, I wouldn’t have said I “chose” bad men— I’d say I didn’t know what type of man I needed. 

If we are being real here, we really need to obtain the proper perspective regarding our inner-child wounds, and their connection to the choices we make, our happiness, partnerships, our life experience, the relationship we have with ourself, and our perspective. In short, we need to extend ourselves more grace when we are in the void by honoring who we are and where we are with whatever resources or skills we currently posses, with an awareness that there’s work currently in progress.

As a true INTJ-T personality type I’ve really had to come to terms with the word “combative” and redefine it’s personal meaning to me and how that energy has been displayed in my life, also known as accountability. While I am not in control of how others view me as a whole— one thing has always remained true and that is my ability to accept my truths as my own in the current season I find myself in and challenge myself to grow through the experience. 

I hope you do the same… 

I do not fault myself for the feisty (take-no-bullshit) energy I’ve exuded (and still do!)— if anything I withhold her in the proper perspective, call on her assistance when needed and view her as an archetype (the wounded child) while also tending to her needs through providing her love and exposure to new experiences. These experiences are focused on showing myself the pleasure that joy can bring by showcasing the love that is around me from various avenues. Life can and is truly that pleasurable if you remind yourself that you are extended a new opportunity as long as you have breathe that enables you to see the day through. 

Xo